The Female Orgasm Explored
Ways For A Woman To Experience Extended Orgasm
One of the great pleasures of a sexual relationship is the capacity of the human body to enjoy extended orgasm.
We usually think of orgasm as lasting for five or eight contractions of the pelvic muscles, but with a little practice and some commitment, the human body is capable of orgasms that can last for much longer.
In the case of men, this is because ejaculation and orgasm are separate events, even though they usually occur together.
It's actually not that difficult to separate them, to prevent ejaculation, and to enjoy waves of orgasmic pleasure that can last for up to an hour or more if you choose to invoke that experience.
For a woman, it's much simpler to enjoy extended orgasm, because she does not have the usual link between ejaculation and orgasm; ejaculation is usually the end of sex as far as a man is concerned, because when a man has ejaculated, he is usually incapable of doing so again until his refractory period has expired (the refractory period being the time between losing one erection and being able to get another). Mechanically, the best way to enjoy extended orgasm is to use hand to genital stimulation.
It would be interesting to note if men with delayed ejaculation were able to achieve any kind of extended orgasmic experience. I suspect not, because despite the name of the condition, delayed ejaculation, men with these issues tend to have a low level of arousal and in fact do not reach the "point of no return". Indeed, while we see this as one of the ejaculation problems, it is in fact an arousal disorder.
One of the key factors in achieving extended orgasm is to have complete openness and communication between the partners as they use the sexual techniques which will enhance the orgasmic experience.
This isn't something that can be done in a half-hearted or offhand way: the man's absolute and complete attention has to be focused entirely on the woman during this experience.
The rest of this page will be written as if addressed to a man who is seeking to provide his partner with extended orgasm; if you're a woman whose interest is in persuading her man to do this for you, then show him this page, and ask him to try the techniques with you.
Advice for men to help a woman to extended orgasm
The key to extended orgasm is the coital alignment technique with your hand and fingers on her clitoris; you need some special techniques which will make this pleasurable over a prolonged period of time, in particular the technique of "peaking", which is all about intensifying and elongating her waves of pleasure on the way to her final orgasmic crescendo.
You also need to know how to bring her out of the orgasmic state and back to normality when your session of extended orgasm is completed.
How to pleasure a woman with extended orgasm
One of the most important steps in this process is to get your woman into a position where you are comfortable and can devote your attention to her without any discomfort for you.
Basically, you want to lie down next to her, or perhaps sit next to her, in a position which gives you a good, clear view of her genitals and easy access to them with your hand. One way to do this is on the bed in your bedroom.
However, if you're feeling adventurous you can do this on a blanket in the woods! Whatever location you choose, you want her to be comfortable and you need to be comfortable yourself since you will stay in the position you adopt for as long as you choose to give her the extended pleasure produced by these techniques.
It's importantly your body is relaxed, because any tension in your arm will communicate itself to her through your touch, and this may inhibit her orgasmic response: so keep anything that you need, such as lubricants and drinks and towels, within easy reach.
First of all if you're not entirely familiar with female sexual anatomy, the vulva, clitoris, labia and vagina it's a good idea to have a close look at them so that you know exactly what you're dealing with.
We've already described female sexual anatomy on this website so it shouldn't be unfamiliar to you, but enjoying this "examination" is an intimate exercise which brings you closer together and prepares you for what follows. Hopefully that will be an orgasm, of course - and bear in mind that the skill of producing orgasm (click here to see this) is one that you have to learn by experience, but information like that contained on this website can be helpful.
It goes without saying that everything that you say about her genitals needs to be positive, without the slightest negative implication; their appearance, their cleanliness, their scent, their taste, how they make you feel -- all of these things and more need to be expressed in a very positive and loving way.
She'll certainly be able to sense any distortions of the truth, so if you're actually thinking anything negative it might be a good idea to talk about these things before you start a session of extended orgasm; that way you can flush them out and allow the feelings attached to these thoughts to dissipate.
Start by gently parting her labia so that you can see the whole of her vulva, and if she has hair on her labia majora, then gently smooth them away so that you have a good view of the area where you'll be working, without any hairs getting in the way.
Explore gently all around her vulva, the urethral opening, the perineum, perhaps even her anus (keeping in mind the usual warnings about not transferring any bacteria from the anus to the vagina to avoid unpleasant infections); but at this stage don't touch her clitoris, because she's probably not aroused enough to find this entirely pleasurable.
As you gently play and stroke her vulva, and her labia, you may well both become aroused, and she may begin to produce her natural juices - vaginal lubricant.
This is probably not going to be enough for the prolonged period of stimulation that's necessary to produce extended orgasm - indeed, you're likely to need considerable quantities of a good water-based lubricant such as Astroglide or Probe.
Having said that, you can use oil provided you are not going to put it inside her vagina; the sensation of warm oil on the genitals can be very luxurious.
When she's aroused enough to find it pleasant, gently expose her clitoral glans by pulling the hood back; you can use the thumb of the hand with which you will be stimulating her to keep the clitoris in full view: as you are probably already well aware, the clitoris is not always that obvious until a woman's extremely aroused, so you may need to manipulate it with your thumb and/or finger to ensure that it's constantly available for your stroking.
And initially the stroking takes place on the sides of the clitoris, possibly through the labia minora; when you're both ready, you can transfer your touch directly on to the clitoral glans although it must be as light as a feather. If she experiences any irritation or it's too sensitive, go back to stroking the sides.
At some point she should be aroused enough for you to touch the glans of the clitoris, the smooth shiny pearl, and when you do this, you'll find that there is one spot on it which is probably more sensitive than any other part of it. (You can judge that by watching her response.)
Now that you've had some basic experience in examining and stimulating her genitals, you need to know the techniques that will be used to provide her with extended orgasm.
Start by adding additional lubricant, but keep in mind that at any time during your extended orgasm session, if her genitals begin to feel dry, you can simply add more water to reactivate the lubricant.
Start by spreading the lubricant on each labia, going close to the clitoris but then gradually backing off in a way that teases her with the anticipation of what's to follow.
The area directly underneath the clitoris is a very sensitive and often a very stimulating place; if you rub your finger up her vulva so that it just gently taps against her clitoris without stimulating the glans too much she may well become very aroused indeed. Another good place to stimulate her is on her urethral opening.
Spread the lubricant up from her perineum slowly and delicately along each labia minora, or simply use your creativity and find a different way to apply it every time.
After all, you're the man who's stimulating her, you're the man who's watching her reactions as you stimulate her genitals, and you're therefore in a good position to make a judgment about what she finds most exciting.
Developing your own individual style of stimulation is important here. However, make sure that you don't put any lubricant on either her clitoral hood or the thumb with which you may be holding her clitoris in place so that you can easily stimulate it. The whole process is explained in more detail below.
So you start by holding the clitoris so that it can't escape from your tantalizing strokes.
The clitoris may retreat under its hood, or it may retract into her body, or it may move about in some way that prevents you from stimulating it as you desire: in all these cases the answer is to hold it with the thumb of the hand with which you are pleasuring her. You can do this by basically pressing towards her clitoris with your thumb located above the clitoris but under her mons pubis.
Once you've retracted the hood, this gentle pressure should keep the clitoris in place if you also exert a light pressure against the clitoral shaft with the fingers that you're using to stimulate her.
If you have any difficulty in pulling back the hood, then you can use the fingers of your other hand to pull it back and expose the glans.
Bear in mind that in some cases (very few) a woman might have a clitoris with a non-retractable foreskin, in which case you must adapt your technique by asking her what she finds pleasurable and stimulating.
So what is it that you actually have to do to give a woman an extended orgasm? Well, you take her from one peak of pleasure to another, each higher than the one before, and all building to a truly magnificent final orgasmic peak, after which you bring her down again. You do this by stimulating the most sensitive spot on her clitoris.
When you've found the most sensitive part of the clitoral head, you're going to use short strokes that pass over this spot, not longer strokes that will pass over the clitoris and go down her vulva below her clitoris.
In this technique you're simply stroking the sensitive spot on the head of her clitoris - the one that will keep her arousal high; and you must do it with confidence and assertiveness -- qualities which do not preclude gentleness -- so that she knows she can relax into the hands of somebody who is competent and confident enough to take her into the vulnerability of an extended orgasmic state. (Trust is very important here.)
If she seems to like a longer stroke, then it's acceptable to use it, but only in the initial stages of training her body to respond with extended orgasm; when she becomes more used to the stimulation that produces extended orgasm, she will be more accepting of short strokes directly on the glans of her clitoris, provided these strokes are delivered with the right intensity and sufficient lubricant, and provided that she is aroused enough to enjoy them.
Of course, one problem you face is that women like to be touched in very different ways: some women like a light touch, while others prefer firmer pressure.
To confuse you and make it harder to find the right technique, even the same woman will not like the same touch all the time, either within one session, or from session to session.
Women who are sensitized to this technique and can reach orgasm easily will be able to do so with almost any pressure that you apply. For a beginner, it's a good idea to ask her what she would prefer you to do.
If she doesn't know because she hasn't got much experience in this technique, or even if she does know but is unable to articulate it, then here's a useful tip: touch her clitoris in the way you might touch a delicate fabric such as silk.
Have you ever rubbed your hand across a sheet of silk simply for the sensuous pleasure of the feel of the material?
If so, then that is the sort of touch that you need to apply to your woman's clitoris, because when you approach it in that way you are touching for the pleasure that her clitoris gives your finger; this ensures that it will also feel pleasurable to her. All in all, the key words are: lightness of touch, delicacy, and adaptability.
That said, not all women's clitorises are the same: but, assuming you have already found her most sensitive spot, you can stroke it between the tips of your thumb and finger in a very short, almost pinching-like movement, using your thumb to hold the clitoris in place. The tip of your finger can stroke any part of the exposed clitoral glans. While you stroke her clitoris, you can also use your other hand to stroke her G-spot.
Using both hands together in this way can take to very high peaks of excitation. You need to avoid her cervix at the back of her vagina, and for the purposes of this exercise you also need to avoid her urethral canal, so when you stimulate her G spot from inside her vagina, move your fingers in an in-and-out motion rather than an up-and-down one, but make sure that the pad of your finger does pass gently over her G-spot on the wall of the vagina.
You'll probably find that she's already lubricated well enough for this to be pleasurable, but if her vagina feels at all dry add a little extra lubricant.
If you're feeling adventurous, try exploring the shafts of her clitoris which lie above and slightly to the side of the top of her vagina (when you approach from inside her body), while you play with the clitoris externally with your other hand.
Note also that when a woman is lying completely naked and vulnerable on the bed in front of you she may resist initially.
It's up to you to be masculine enough -- which actually means dominant enough -- to show her that she can relinquish control to you. In this context, dominant means confident, masculine, clear and strong. You might also wish to convey to her the fact that what you are doing is not necessarily about reaching orgasm quickly, but about enjoying the progress towards orgasm with a series of pre-orgasmic peaks (which actually feel like min-orgasms).
The basic technique which is used to intensify an orgasm is to use a technique called peaking to extend the process of arousal and orgasm for much longer than it would normally last.
What this means is that you stop stimulating your woman every so often (and probably before she wishes you to).
The effect of this is to make her want more stimulation, and it also happens to be a useful way of building up her body's expectation of a longer orgasm. So by repeatedly backing off and starting again, you can slowly bring your partner to higher and higher waves of orgasmic pleasure without tipping her over into the final crescendo that causes the orgasm to come to an end.
It's actually rather amazing how intense the orgasmic pleasure can become when you keep repeatedly peaking someone.
When you rub a woman's clitoris continuously without any breaks, she'll either experience it as painful or irritating, or her clitoris will go numb, or she will have a quick orgasm. That's why peaking is such useful technique: the intermittent stimulation causes the nerves to maintain sensitivity rather than to go numb (and that's definitely not the effect you're trying to achieve here -- for one thing, it might stop your partner trusting you enough to allow you to repeat the experience in the future). Each peak you take her to will increase the energy and make the next one even higher.
The basic technique of peaking is to stop stimulating her, or to reduce the amount of stimulation she's receiving for a while before returning to the stroke that you know causes her arousal to increase and her orgasmic energy to accumulate.
You can do pause either by changing your technique, or by applying firm pressure, or by pressing on the clitoris without moving, or you can do it by stopping all stimulation for a moment or longer.
The length of time for which you reduce the stimulation or stop altogether is a matter of judgment; what you certainly don't want is to reduce the stimulation so much her arousal completely drops and you have to restart from scratch!
You'll very quickly get the hang of this, because it's quite obvious from the woman's responses, if she's in any way sexually expressive, when you're taking her to a higher peak of pleasure than the previous one.
Monitor the strokes you're using. Clearly you're not going to change what you're doing every few seconds: after all, the object of the exercise is to get the orgasmic peaks as high as you can, and to do this you need fairly prolonged periods of strong stimulation broken by much shorter periods of lesser stimulation to achieve this.
The key here is your intention (and probably also your attention); your thoughts and actions will follow your intention, so all you have to do is keep a clear focus in your mind what you're trying to achieve.
This is why it's absolutely essential that you keep 100% of your attention focused on your partner and not have part of your mind wandering off while you're stroking her. The best way to achieve this is to go into a kind of meditative alpha state of mind. Provided you're doing things correctly, that should develop fairly easily without you even being aware of the process.
You'll realize by now that the fact you can take somebody to a peak of pleasure and then let the peak decline again means that you are effectively in control of how to make a woman orgasm and her experience as she does so (or not).
If you want to take a break at any point then do so; and there's nothing to stop you talking to your partner, answering questions, and just exchanging your thoughts and feelings about what's happening before you start again.
When she's highly aroused, you can intersperse longer strokes down her vulva to the opening of her vagina, and you can even penetrate her vagina, to give her extra peaks of pleasure.
Overall one good rule for determining how long a pause should be is to watch what happens when you restart stimulation. You're aiming for the next peak so you might want to adjust the length of your breaks depending on what you see when you reapply stimulation.
If a woman is holding out against reaching a higher peak, try a little psychology: tell her that the peak you're giving her now is the highest, before backing off and then bringing her to a higher one still. You can tell her the same thing two or three times in succession, and it's possible that she will then actually reach a higher orgasmic peak than she would've expected to.
Knowing when to actually bring her over into a final massive orgasm from the waves of orgasmic pleasure that develop during peaking is an art, not a science: but if you pay attention to what's going on in front of you, you'll know what to do instinctively.
Try not to spend too much time thinking about what you're doing; rather, watch the effect it's having.
You'll actually know whether or not your partner's arousal is increasing by being sensitive to how your fingers feel and by your own level of sexual arousal: the latter is likely to mirror what's happening to your partner, so if you feel your arousal dropping slightly, hers is probably doing so as well, which may indicate you should take time for a break before bringing her back up again.
The final orgasmic peak - hopefully the biggest - is, of course, the end of the experience, after which your partner will return to earth from the peaks of the orgasmic experience, so it's important to know when to let this happen.
Basically, you don't want her to get tired and stop responding before you've brought her to her highest peak of all. If you find yourself wondering whether to bring another peak about or to stop stimulating her altogether, or if you feel your partner's attention is gone, you've already missed an opportunity to bring her to a maximum orgasmic peak.
In which case, just take a break, say to your partner what's happening; talk to her about it.
If you sense she's not with you so much, ask her what she was thinking about and tell her that you felt her attention moving away from what was going on; this will reinforce her sense that you're in control, which helps her to regain her confidence in you, and gives you an opportunity to peak her again.
If you start talking negatively to her about what she's doing, or blaming her, or accusing her of losing interest and going down from the orgasmic peak rather than cooperating with you, you're not going to get her back into the orgasmic process anytime soon.
Knowing that you're in control makes it easier for a woman to surrender her orgasm to you, and confidently peaking her experience before you give her a final massive climax shows that you are watching what's happening to her - as well as making it easier for her to be fully orgasmic.
Another good way of lengthening orgasm is to a make an agreement with your partner that you are going to stimulate her for a specific period of time, something longer than she usually takes to have an orgasm.
So for example, if your partner usually takes 15 minutes to reach orgasm, simply agree that you're going to pleasure her for perhaps 20 minutes. You can gradually extend the time as you get more experience, but it's not a good idea to try and extend the orgasmic experience for an hour or more unless you have considerable experience.
You also need to communicate very openly and effectively with your partner. For a beginner, 15 to 20 minutes is probably about right.
For men who have find there are inevitably extended periods of time before they reach orgasm and ejaculate, a condition known as delayed ejaculation, and for which treatment is usually needed, extra stimulation may help them become more aroused and achieve orgasm easily.
So now you're going to need to know how to tell when a woman has an orgasm
The clearest signs of orgasm are the rhythmic contraction of the opening of her vagina and her anus. She might also experience a phenomenon called "abdominal ridging," which is like a wave of energy that passes through her abdomen.
If you see her abdomen contracting and undulating in a muscular wave, you're witnessing a sign of her orgasm. Ridging can be dramatic or almost imperceptible, but it isn't a voluntary action and is not a sign of her tensing up or responding to orgasm with dramatic voluntary thrashing movements.
Sometimes a woman will ejaculate at the moment of orgasm, as the fluid produced by her paraurethral glands emerges from her vagina. If you're particularly sensitive you might feel energy passing from her clitoris into your fingers.
A woman's genital area and chest may become flushed with blood; and a woman may also develop erect nipples; finally, her fingers and toes may curl involuntarily during orgasm.