The Female Orgasm Explored
More About Extended Orgasm
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Now, of course getting your partner to orgasm and orgasm for a prolonged period of time is wonderful, but you also need to know how to bring her back down to a normal level of consciousness in a way that leaves her ready to carry on with her daily activities as normal.
The first thing to be aware of is that you need to have the intention to bring her down, in other words you won't be in any doubt that the orgasmic peaking is over.
By intentionally using a firm and slower touch, you can bring her down; and by interspersing this with lighter, slower strokes, you can take her up again: there's no reason why you shouldn't a number of peaks on the way down, with each one lower than the one before until you reach normal consciousness.
And of course it's always possible just to stop: but this approach means that you miss lots of fun on the way down, like the lower, slower peaks towards the end of the roller coaster ride.
Another good technique for bringing the woman down from her orgasm is to insert both middle fingers of one hand facing upwards inside the vagina, then separate your fingers slightly so that they're effectively at eleven o'clock and one o'clock inside the vagina as she lies on her back, and then exert pressure upwards at the same time as pressing down with the palm of your hand on her pubic bone. Some women have very strong final orgasmic contractions when you do this.
It's also nice just to gently massage her wash your partner's genital area with a toweling cloth moistened with warm water. As you move the cloth over her genitals, and in particular her clitoris, she may have some final contractions or orgasmic spasms.
As always, it is important that the man knows how to control his ejaculation, and the best way to do this is to study some techniques for the control of ejaculation beforehand. If you happen to be a lover with a lack of ejaculatory control, the benefits of learning some techniques to control ejaculation when you make love will be profound - especially in terms of the chances of your relationship persisting! Lloyd Lester's program Ejaculation By Command does that well, and you can review Ejaculation By Command here.
What you'll find when you come back to normal consciousness, or your partner comes back to normal consciousness, is that she feels absolutely fantastic, with huge reserves of energy like she were glowing from the inside with sexual energy that is keeping her feeling energized, calm and beautiful.
Her clitoris will probably have retracted by this time, but it will take some time for her genitals to return to normal, to lose all her glorious engorgement and tumescence. You can chat to her while she comes down, or you can enjoy close intimacy and perhaps even intercourse if you are both so inclined.
How far you bring someone down after an extended orgasm depends on what she have to do next - obviously some situations require a more composed persona than others, and in some cases you might want to give your partner the chance to keep the sexual energy high so she can enjoy the feelings of fulfillment for a while longer. (If you need basic information on how to make a woman come, then try this.... it's full of useful tips, tricks and techniques for making the female orgasm easier.)
If she have to do something responsible that requires close attention, or something that requires alertness, it's probably better to bring her right down. She may find after such a surge of energy that her senses are heightened - colors are brighter, tastes more refined, hearing sharper. It's a bit like the feelings and perceptions you sometimes experience after leaving a meditative state.
And remember that it takes practice to learn and perfect all these techniques. Don't give up if you don't manage to achieve extended climax or orgasm at first. I'd like to make a personal observation here: for men with premature ejaculation this is a superb technique to skirt around the difficulty of learning how to last longer in bed. This isn't to say that you shouldn't make the effort to avoid premature ejaculation!
And indeed, there is no excuse not to, since Lloyd Lester, online sex guru, has written the best ever program to explain how men can control their ejaculation and last longer in bed.
Training and Communication
There are several steps that you can take to improve the ease and facility with which you experience an extended orgasm. One of these is to ensure that you have developed high levels of communication skills between yourself and your partner.
Good communication is a prerequisite for extended orgasm right from the beginning of the process: after all, the very first thing you have to decide and discuss with each other is who is going to enjoy the extended orgasm first.
One common pattern is for a man to give a woman an extended orgasm, and then, when she is fully satisfied, for her to offer intercourse to her man as a wonderful experience that she can both share while she is fully engorged. This can be very satisfying for both partners.
So when you're giving somebody an extended orgasm, it's a good idea if you can make her feel as safe and comfortable as possible. In essence, the key to successful extended orgasm is being able to encourage the woman to surrender her nervous system and sexual responses into your hands.
This is something that you can achieve when she is confident that you're controlling both her and the environment in a way that feels safe and protective. You'll see that this requires some masculine values on your part: confidence, strength, assertiveness, and the ability to reassure your partner that you can deal with whatever situation may arise.
So, for example, this means that even before starting the process of extended orgasm, you need to be able to communicate with your partner by telling her what you plan to do and what effect it will be likely to have on her.
You also need to reassure her that you will be responsible for taking care of anything that gets in the way of the extended orgasm process, such as someone ringing the doorbell, or the telephone ringing.
It's important that you encourage your partner simply to relax and get fully into her body, so that she doesn't think about things that need to be done outside the bedroom.
It's best not to distract your partner with questions that require complicated answers: a simple yes or no will allow her to maintain her focus and attention on the process that she's experiencing. This means that you need to phrase your questions in a way that allows her to answer without too much mental exertion or processing.
Questions such as: " would you like me to use more pressure?" " would you like me to touch you lower down?" and " would you like me to move faster?" are all good examples of how you can make it easy for your partner to give you a quick reply while maintaining her focus on the experience that she's having. That way, she's much more likely to enjoy an extended orgasm experience.
Don't start asking her if she's enjoying the experience or if what you're doing feels good, because she may say "yes" when she means "no" to protect your feelings, or if she does indeed say "no" then this might affect your ability to stay with her during the experience. Equally, don't change what you're doing without asking your partner first. Building trust means that you don't do anything unexpected or anything that might upset your partner.
Simply ask her questions that can be answered yes or no to establish exactly what it is she wants, and what you can do to help her achieve extended orgasm as easily as possible.
If she isn't sure about the answer to your question, for example, if she doesn't know whether or not she wants you to lengthen your stroke when you ask her, simply continue with what you're doing or, better, ask her if you can change the stroke and then ask her if it feels better.
Another thing that needs communicating before you begin a session of extended orgasm is how long the session you're going to enjoy will last. Ten or fifteen minutes is probably a good time for beginners, because until you know you can focus for the duration of the experience, the distractions that arise when you try and extend orgasm for thirty minutes or even longer may be too great.
If you are inhibited about sex, or your partner is, then choose another area of her body and practice stroking it, using the techniques described above to establish what feels more pleasant for your partner, and what she would like you to do.
Good communication starts right at the beginning of the process, so don't forget to tell your partner that you are actually going to touch her, where you will touch her, and that she needs to stay with the experience.
Obviously, the more you know your partner, the less need there is to constantly ask questions because you will have an instinctive sense of what it is she wants and what causes her to become more aroused. Indeed, developing this intuitive sense of how to pleasure your partner is one of the great skills involved in successfully bringing a woman into extended orgasm. It is also a very good idea to acknowledge what your partner says by feeding it back to her in a way that isn't constrained or artificial but simply reflects what she said to you.
If you are starting with an absolute beginner, a good session of communication before you start touching her body is essential. For one thing, this will build trust, and for another, it will give you, as the pleasure provider, a sense of what you need to do to bring your partner into extended orgasm.
Think about it from the point of view of a novice: if a woman has never experienced extended orgasm before, she has no idea what to expect, and she may also be consumed with doubts about her appearance, about what you'll think of her body, whether you'll enjoy looking at it or touching it, and even whether she will enjoy the experience.
In such cases, only try for a 10 to 15 minute session of pleasuring to start with, until you're both confident that the process is something you want to enjoy together. It also helps to reassure her that if you do anything she doesn't like, all she has to do is say "stop" and you will do so immediately.
That may of course include playing with her sexual organs if she has a yeast infection or any other issue that makes her feel embarrassed about her vagina or vulva. Click here for more on yeast infection. This gives a woman a great sense of security.
You may also, depending on how well you know your partner, want to keep your clothes on while pleasuring a woman for the first time. This again will give her an added sense of security and safety; when you do finally touch her genitals, do it slowly and carefully, because depending on how used she is to this kind of experience, she may be only able to take a small amount of stimulation.
As long as you're talking to her reassuringly, you can stop for a moment -- that is to say for a period as brief as a second -- and then start again. All of this will serve to reassure her. Once you can really feel what you're doing, you can add more strokes to bring her up to an orgasmic peak.
As always, it's important to remind your partner that there is no expectation on how to achieve orgasm: this is about enjoying the sensation, and if orgasmic waves of pleasure pass through her, they are only one aspect of the whole process.
If you know how to do it, you can balance her chakras and open her energy channels so the energy flows freely down to her genitals and is not stuck in the rest of her body. This is because energy stuck in any chakra higher than her base chakra can inhibit her ability to reach orgasm.
A woman can be frightened of any touch which goes directly onto the clitoral glans. You can reassure her here, by using lots of lubricant and touching her clitoris very gently, starting a small distance away from her clitoris and moving in circles until you get closer and closer to it.
Building up her confidence in this way can help to accept a direct touch her clitoris, which she may then feel as very pleasurable rather than uncomfortable.
As the man providing the pleasure, you have to be confident: a woman will be able to tell immediately if you're in any doubt about what you're doing or indeed if your touch is tentative. She may not find a hesitant touch pleasurable, because she won't be able to surrender to it.
As you will by now have realized, acceptance and relaxation on the part of the person being pleasured are vitally important for this process to be a success. A woman who becomes tense or thrashes about will be resisting the feeling of your touch; so the more you can maintain control, communicate openly, reassure her that you know what you're doing, and stay relaxed yourself, the better. All of these things, plus your close attention to your partner, will help her to reach orgasm more easily and maintain her orgasmic state for longer.
What you're aiming for is an extended wavelike state of orgasm, which can be a far superior experience to pulsating, rhythmic orgasmic contractions which last only a few seconds. If she doesn't already realize this, then you need to explain it to her before you start.
If your partner doesn't relax, stop stimulating her until she is able to do so. It's always worth asking her what the problem is, and discussing her experience with her if she's not surrendering to your touch: remember, the more she surrenders, the more worthwhile and rewarding her orgasm will be, so communication is essential.
Orgasms and intercourse
As we know, many women never have any kind of orgasm during intercourse unless they have additional clitoral stimulation. But this doesn't mean that intercourse can't be a very pleasurable experience for her - and for her partner. When a woman has actually reached orgasm her internal vaginal tissues are swollen and engorged, very wet and very warm. This means that a female orgasm which precedes intercourse can be a delightful thing for you to share.
If you enjoy sexual intercourse after she's reached orgasm, she's prepared psychologically and emotionally for you to enter her, and she wants to feel you inside her. This can be a wonderful sensation and a very intimate experience for you both, not to mention the fact that it does remove the pressure from you as the man about trying to make her orgasm during intercourse, which as we have already seen, is practically impossible anyway.
Also, it's important to make sure that you're not taking yourself too seriously, and that you're having loads of fun as you share the pleasure of genital stimulation.
However, one of the things that can happen during this process is that a woman who is not used to this level of stimulation may actually be frightened by the intensity of her orgasm, and she may begin to laugh or cry as a distraction from the sheer intensity of orgasm. If so, just reassure her, and keep going.
You can develop your own repertoire of sexual positions, which might include subtle teasing: for example, you can stimulate her all around her clitoris without actually touching her clitoris directly, all the while telling her that you might actually give her clitoris a miss this time. If you do this skillfully, the teasing will paradoxically have the opposite effect: it will make her want you to touch her clitoris.
As always, however, whether or not teasing is a good idea depends on how she responds to it (and also how much time you have available); if she simply gets cross, this may not be a helpful technique and stop the process of extending her orgasm. If she likes the teasing, however, then you can continue increasing her arousal for quite some time before you finally give her the release of an orgasmic peak.
The key, really, to success is to be relaxed, to enjoy yourselves, to have fun, and to do it with a lightness of touch and a lightness of being which communicates the fact that you respect and enjoy being with your partner. On a practical level, you have to be comfortable, so make sure that you have lots of pillows of various shapes and sizes on the bed, drinks close at hand, lubricant and towels handy, so that you can reach her genitals easily. If you want music, have that close at hand and ready to go as well.
We have already described the best way to take someone into an extended orgasmic experience: ensure that you are next to her on a bed in a position in which you can comfortably see her genitals and also her face, so that communication is made much easier. It's actually possible to sit next to your partner in a chair while she lies on the bed. Alternatively, you can sit at the head of the bed with your legs crossed, with your partner lying at right angles to you. There is another position which is particularly favorable.
You, as a man giving an extended orgasm to a woman, will sit on the bed leaning against pillows at the head end of the bed, while the woman you're taking to extended orgasm is perpendicular to you. Place your leg, the one which is closer to your woman's face, across her abdomen with a crook at your knee. You can extend your other leg straight underneath your partner's legs; if you are right-handed your partner has her face to your right, so that your right hand has easy access to her genitals.
Make sure that the woman's legs are spread wide with pillows under her thighs and knees to support her, and that her head's comfortable under a pillow.
You can also do this on your side; if you're right-handed lie on your left side, with your head at the opposite end of your partner's body, i.e. at the end of her body near to her feet. Put a pillow over her leg and then lie on your side so that your free arm is between your partner's legs. Support yourself on your forearm, and then place your hand under your partner's buttocks with your thumb at the opening of her vagina; you'll have the side of your chest lying on the pillow on your partner's legs.
All in all, however, it's best to experiment until you find a position in which you are actually really comfortable and which you can sustain for as long as is necessary to bring her to extended orgasm. It's nice to have eye contact when you are beginning this, although it is not necessary if you have considerable experience.
When pleasuring a woman, make sure that her legs are spread wide at the knees, and place pillows under her thighs and her head. Place your free hand under her buttocks, with your thumb at the base of her introitus, and keep your pleasuring hand free to stroke wherever you choose.
The importance of good health
As I discovered when I had an attack of gout, it isn't possible to enjoy sex when you have some physical illness which is affecting your well-being and, possibly, even giving you some pain.
The reality is that as we get older, we are more subject to conditions which do not bother us when we are younger. Ill-health can be, regrettably, a natural phenomenon of aging. So the question is: what are you going to do about such issue as arthritis, high blood pressure, gallstones, acid reflux, hiatal hernia and general aches and pains?
My first suggestion to you is that you do not just ignore these problems, as they may only get worse. You clearly should seek medical aid if you have the means to do so, but you may also like to consider using some kind of home remedy or self-help treatment. Another issue which men experience all too often as they age is a delay in reaching orgasm, and this delay can become an embarrassing and painful condition.
Playfulness and the art of extended orgasm
Communication is important in this process, but so is playfulness. Just think of playfulness as having the objective of having a great time with your partner: you realize, of course, that this means you genuinely have to enjoy her company, and you truly want to give her pleasure.
Playfulness is a quality of mind really, rather than a quality of behavior, so it's not about tickling or poking or grabbing; it's much more about an attitude in which you can demonstrate that you're lighthearted, genuinely interested in pleasuring your partner, and expecting to have fun with her. As always, the qualities that will bring this about are your enthusiasm, confidence, attention, and enjoyment. And, as always, ensure that your partner gets enough sexual pleasure by learning how to slow down during lovemaking so you can make love for a long as it takes to satisfy her.