The Female Orgasm Explored
Confidence and Self Worth
Action is a very good way of avoiding self-pity, because it takes you out into the world and allows you to see how you "reflect" off other people – and besides which, action is always a distraction if you find you're obsessed with negative thinking and obsessing about your weaknesses!
Often such obsessing is a sign of underlying anger, so it might be helpful to get some sessions with a therapist to explore whether or not you do have hidden emotions towards, perhaps, your parents or siblings.
I was always amazed by the simple techniques that people could use to understand their positive qualities rather than negative qualities – for example, simply smiling into the mirror actually gives you positive feedback on the neural level: it seems that the brain interprets as facial expression is representative of how you're feeling, and then makes you feel that way! So every time you see yourself in a mirror, smile heartily to yourself and the facial feedback will encourage your brain to register happiness rather than sadness!
Although it may seem an outlandish suggestion, there's actually no doubt whatsoever that smiling, thinking positively, engaging in gratitude processes, and engaging with people you meet, and making a determined effort with intention to think positively will significantly change your mood for the better.
This is a kind of "fake it till you make it" syndrome; in other words, you don't actually pretend to be happy, but you simply act happy, until you feel that way.
You be amazed how quickly this takes hold and changes your attitude and sense of being in the world – in general it takes about three weeks for people to feel significantly different. Now the interesting thing is that you can actually apply this to other qualities such as feeling confident, being in a relationship, or achieving financial success. It's called positive feedback.
"Fake it till you make it" is a wonderful way of acting something in the world and preparing yourself to adopt it, like putting on a new coat. And of course if you can find the things you were born to be good at, then you'll be able to actually focus on those and give yourself REAL positive feedback which allows you to feel good about what you've achieved, and produces a more confident YOU, as you go out into the world – this is a variation of the old saying that "nothing succeeds like success". And believe me, where relationships are concerned, nothing could be more necessary - especially if your confidence has been shattered by a break up! That's the most confidence sapping thing ever!
And I'm sure I need hardly add at this point that when you go out into the world and you find things that you can do well, you are going to feel both a sense of achievement, and a sense of worth.
Video - what is self-worth?
Now I know it's easy to say these things, but for some people getting out into the world can be quite challenging, but what alternative have you got? To stay negative and depressed for the rest of your life, hiding away indoors, without ever going out and avoiding people because you might feel threatened in some way? Never having a relationship or sharing in life's joys?
That isn't a very attractive prospect for the future.
So this requires intention and willpower, and that might take some effort – but the truth of the matter is that if you really want to improve your level of confidence and assertiveness you can do so simply by changing your intention and attitude in the world.
I'm well aware that people who write books entitled (for example) "feel the fear and do it anyway" take a liberal view of the possibilities that we are able to address for ourselves – from personal experience I know that huge levels of fear can be a massive inhibition on action in the world.
So this means you might want to judge very carefully what you can do to increase your confidence and self-worth – I think the expression "baby steps" comes to mind here!" (i.e. do what YOU can!)
In other words, take small steps; don't set yourself up failure by trying to do too much at once. Make judgments about what's right for you and follow your own heart; find things you can undertake with confidence and without putting too much pressure on yourself.
And along with all of these practical psychological and emotional tips goes something else: physical fitness and exercise and diet. Yes, that terrible subject we all want to avoid - overeating and keeping weight under control. (if you happen to be a man, reading this - most of my readers are women - here's a diet for men which you might enjoy reading about.....)
It's all too easy to succumb to the temptation to eat and eat and eat as a compensation feeling unhappy – but the truth of the matter is that it will make you feel more wretched if you're fat and unhealthy, so the best way to deal with this is to actually take exercise which raises your good hormones makes you feel happier and healthier. That in itself will boost your confidence.